PHIL COULSON: UNIT USER GUIDE AND MANUAL
by SkywardWriter
Summary: This another manual of mine that will help you care for your newest unit and of course give you tips on what and what not to do. Enjoy!


**A/N: Alright, I never thought I would be able to make a comeback with these, but I have found some inspiration, and so here is the long awaited and requested Phil Coulson unit manual.**

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PHIL COULSON: UNIT USER GUIDE AND MANUAL

CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a Phil Coulson unit. These units are typically calm and well-mannered, so this is just a formality(for the most part) unless you also own a Loki Laufeyson unit. Then you will most likely have to order replacement units.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Phil Coulson, will answer to Coulson, Son of Coul, or Agent Coulson.

Age: Approximately 49

Height: 5'9"

Place of Manufacture: Boston, Massachusetts

Weight: n/a

Your Phil Coulson unit comes with the following accessories:

Five (5) Black business suits

One (1) Firearms license

One (1) Driver's license

One (1) Cellular phone (contacts for Skyward Units already listed)

One (1) Album of classical cello

Programming: Your unit is equipped with the following traits:

Diplomat- Need something of a delicate matter handled with ease? Not a problem. Just point your unit in the right direction and consider it solved.

Bodyguard- Need protection from that crazy stalker? Don't worry. Phil's got you covered.

Babysitter- Need someone to watch your Tony Stark unit or your kids(or both)? Phil can handle anything you can throw at him. Heck, even a child!Thor Odinson!

Removal of your Phil Coulson unit from packaging: This unit is fairly calm and unusually stable, unless you manage to tick him off. (Tony Stark units I am looking at you.)

1. As fulfillment of regulation, here is the first of a few possible scenarios to get Phil out of his box. Play the provided album of classic cello and take cover. He will kick open the box, and after being properly introduced, he will allow you to reprogram him.

2. This method is not recommended, but is a possibility if you can run extremely fast. Get a Loki Laufeyson into the room and have him open the box. Coulson will bust open the box and fight anything in sight. Reprogram him as soon as you can.

3. This is my favorite and gets the best results. Have a Steve Rogers unit open the box. Coulson's face will be brighter than if you were to give him a pack of autographed Captain America cards on Christmas. You will be able to reprogram him with ease.

Reprogramming:

Calm (default)

Angry

Murderous

Brother

The Phil Coulson unit comes in the default Calm mode in which nothing surprises him. This is mainly due to his dealing with the Avengers and SHIELD. Don't take him out of it. This will cause a horrifying mental breakdown. Don't do it.

Angry mode is highly dangerous because it is almost identical at first to the calm mode. Once his temper is finally lost, we only have one word of advice for you here at Skyward Units Headquarters. Hide.

Murderous is very similar to angry but is activated after Phil is Angry for too long. Then the word of advice becomes run.

Brother mode, like with all others is activated when the unit sees you crying or hurt. This mode on the unit cannot be deactivated once activated. You will have a permanent, lifelong bodyguard afterwards. Of course this means no premarital sex, no bad boyfriends, and of course, no unhealthy foods. You have been warned.

Caution: This unit has a daily routine that starts at five in the morning. Don't like it? Put his room on the opposite side of the house.

He will clean and feed himself. He will clean up all messes and do the laundry. Phil Coulson units don't typically stand for sloppiness or tardiness or reckless stupidity. You have been warned.

So far, no real problems have occurred with this unit, there have not been any unusual questions, and most owners with this unit live long and happy lives. Enjoy this unit and look out for upcoming units in the Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood category!

LIMITED OFFER! BUY ONE OF EVERY AVENGERS UNIT AND GET FIFTY PERCENT OFF ON EACH FOLLOWING PURCHASE! Offer ends May 28, 2014.


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